Cid: ...
Luso: Cid...?
Cid: ...
Cid: I...
Cid: I'll kill her! You hear me?! KILL!!!

XZDDD I actually laughed aloud at this XZDD Cid is wonderful ♥ He's like... so hotness <3 <3 I love his mustache and his hair and his skin and his eyebrows and his everything <3

I cleared the "You Say Tomato" mission, so I met Adelle and had a great Cid event XZDD

So, the last entry I got all worked up about. (lol wow inversion)

Sometimes I get like really annoyed by like... the state of society or something, and like... I just get in this mood where like... I hate everything. Well, I mean, I don't really HATE anything, it's just like... I feel disappointment or distaste toward everything and everyone.

Like I hate computers, I hate the piano, I hate sleeping, I hate this, I hate that. But like I hate all alternatives to things like... I hate wearing clothes but I hate being naked. Stuff like that O_o it's just like I hate EVERYTHING and I feel really frustrated and disappointed and disgusted with like... life and the world and stuff.

But yeah it's not hate even though I say 'hate,' it's just easier to say that word than like sit and describe the actual feeling. I definitely don't hate anything. I'm pretty sure I actually love everything. I'm just... displeased with things sometimes. I mean it's like I love games, but sometimes a game I really love will give me some bad luck or I'll forget to save for a while and then die or otherwise lose progress... and then I'll be really upset with the game and not want to play it at all. But like, I don't hate the game... I still love the game, I just don't want anything to do with it.

I think everyone can understand this feeling, lol, just not about games. I just feel like that about everything at once sometimes. Like I suddenly just feel fed up with all of existence. And of course that makes me feel suicidal but I think I just ALWAYS feel suicidal these days so whatever.

Actually, since I haven't been getting depressed online a lot, I've been a lot less depressive. Like, I still... feel suicidal in a general sense...? Like I mean I still think about it many times daily, and like... I still often think at any given moment that it would be worth giving up everything good about life to get rid of the bad things and just die. And like, I still think about like "what if" things where I might die on accident and I wonder if I would actually feel relief or if I would panic and try to live. And I tell myself I'd try to live but only because it would be acting on instinct, and that as I was actually dying I'd just feel relieved before I finally went O_o SO I think that qualifies as still thinking about suicide a lot, lol.

But I'm not like... SUICIDAL, which is good. I just like, want to die a lot, but I no longer like... actively pursue it. I guess that is kindof messed up, but whatever. I used to like... actively research suicide and like make lots of plans. I guess you could say that I was afraid to do it and my procrastination was like the manifestation of that fear or something, but if I believe my own feelings, I would have to say I was only afraid of messing up. I was afraid of just hurting myself and still being alive. I didn't want to do that. I didn't want to have to live a life with even more suffering. (I still believe that my death would not cause much suffering to others. Even when before I was very intent on killing myself and told my friends, most people gave the generic response that they would give to anyone, and my brother even said something like "well, if that's what you want to do." seriously wtf)

Anyway, yeah, so I don't like actively try to find ways to kill myself and like get things ready and write suicide letters and stuff. I just think about how dying would be nice a lot. And I am distracted a lot more because I spend a lot more time playing games. I still find it difficult to do things like play the piano or draw, and I usually do them hurriedly and get tired of them quickly, but the passion for them is coming back. But I can't really escape into them, and I still don't think I'm recovered enough to do anything but escape. Maybe because all I do is escape I will never really recover.

I say recover like I had some kind of illness or something, but I honestly can't like... tell you where it began and ended, or really what it was. What I'm recovering from, I mean.

Like... I always have felt isolated and alone and different and sad and etc. And I've always suffered because of it. Call me melodramatic or whatever, but I have. And like, somehow it just got ... a lot worse. I fell into some kind of trap where I just felt so bad all the time that I didn't know what to do with myself. I would have panic attacks, I would not sleep for days or sleep for days, I would get sick all the time... I lost all my passion for all my hobbies except for games, which I became more and more absorbed into... I started spending money more loosely, I didn't want to purse any kind of social ventures, etc. I pretty much became nothing but a miserable mess. I didn't like anything or anybody and spent all my time (even when I was playing games) thinking about how much I hated myself and life and stuff like that, and just wishing I could die. I became obsessed with death and spent most of my free time researching it and trying to find a way to guarantee I died in a way that I wouldn't suffer through. Being a masochist, this meant anything that wasn't suddenly painful.

Well, for those of you who were reading this journal at that point, which is probably most of you who are here now, minus some people...?, I decided to starve myself because it would be gradual and I would enjoy getting closer to death and feeling more and more pain. And I had planned exactly when I would start to meet the least resistance and etc.

Well, various things happened and I didn't do it. I guess you could just say I'm a drama queen and did it for attention. I'd like to believe I didn't. At the time I really did want to die and was really intent on doing it, though now that I've changed my mind, I wonder if it really was just a way to get attention. Not so much in the shallow way that I just wanted people to think I was deep or something by reading my ljs, but I really was dire to find SOMEONE show some feelings toward me. I mean, as I said, even my brother, who is the most important person to me, seemed to be indifferent to the idea that I would be dead soon. Maybe he was more respectful of my decision? But like, idk, whatever.

But I did get what I wanted if that was the case. I did find that there was reason to keep living, and I felt that I shouldn't cut my life short and I wanted to keep living so that I could make a difference and help people. Instead of escaping the world, I decided to try to change the world around me.

Of course I am pretty powerless and realize this. I don't think I'm ever going to make much of a difference to the world, but I can affect people's lives. I mean everyone affects the life of everyone they meet, even if they don't pursue any kind of intimacy or friendships with them. Just knowing of people changes your views and actions ever so slightly.

And I'd like to try to be a positive influence on other people. It's hard because I'm so miserable and full of contradictions, but I'm starting to come to the realization that it's normal to be imperfect. It's not that I ever thought I was supposed to be perfect in the first place... but I'm starting to realize that everyone is pretty messed up, even as much as me, and it's the effort that matters.

I guess that's what makes me frustrated, is that I often feel like people don't really put enough effort into bettering themselves and helping others. People like to find a place to be comfortable with themselves and don't attempt to make themselves better. They accept their flaws, but just stop there. It's fine to have flaws, but I believe that you should accept your flaws and then work on them. You don't have to hate your flaws, but just because you've accepted them doesn't mean you should like... ignore them or even feed them to make them worse just because you've accepted them. And then people tend to be really selfish, too. I mean, I am really selfish, maybe moreso than most people, but I still try my best to do things that I think help others and cause the least harm. Sure I mess up a lot, but I keep trying and try to learn from my mistakes. But I think a lot of people don't do that.

And that's what frustrates me about life and makes me "hate everything" sometimes. When people do things that hurt others, knowingly, and continue doing them... when people make excuses for their flaws instead of working to better themselves... it makes me look down on humanity. I'm sure a large part of it is because I used to be like that, maybe even a 'worst case' or something. So maybe I'm just hating what I used to be, and being frustrated with that part of me that's still there...

I don't really know. But anyway, it's just frustrating. I wish everyone was putting their effort into doing good things. And so I get really miserable about it sometimes.

Right now I really felt like that, but I decided to just... explain how I feel, rather than like... complain about it or whatever. I think talking about it from a more explanatory standpoint really helped. I don't feel so bad anymore. It also made me think more about how I feel and why. And when you understand yourself, you can control yourself better.

Anyway, sorry for the previous rant's negative tone, and sorry for this boring entry. But it really did help me. I hope I really am on a way toward recovery and can someday be a happy person who enjoys life. I have so many happy moments now, and I am smiling a lot... I wish that I was not plagued by all these negative thoughts and deathwishes all the time! I am working on it though. I used to think it was hopeless, but I feel that one day I can be happy. Even if it means living in an escapist world or something... I may still one day be able to cope with life and not feel like this anymore. So I'm going to keep working toward a better future.

This is "politics."

99.999999999% of voters are people like this, who understand what they're talking about just as much, who believe in things and follow things when they know just as much. This video is of course focusing on a specific group to try to lower popularity of that particular following, but even that purpose itself is clear -- to make people ashamed to be in that clique so that they join the other. But it's not like the other side is more informed or rational in their thought -- they're the same thing as those people but for the other side, swayed by their friends, family, peers, and other influences on their social identity.

Of course, there are "educated" people who learn bigger words and can form bigger-sounding arguments if they were asked such questions. But honestly, how many of those people who sound smart in that type of interview REALLY know? How much did they learn from unbiased academic sources? How much expertise do they have in the fields they were arguing about?

Even people who follow politics closely and memorize their particular side's arguments or even those who learn the arguments of both sides and choose which one fits their personal identity more -- they are simply memorizing lists of ideals and picking one that fits them best. I really doubt that every person who votes based on issues like health care, abortion, and foreign policy have expertise in fields of medicine, foreign affairs, economics, sociology, biology, etc. Even if they read tons of information available to them on the subjects that they support/care about when they vote, I really doubt that those people know enough about the subject matter to be able to make educated, rational decisions on the matter.

I personally do not feel that I have enough expertise to make a logical or educated choice over any political issue, unless perhaps it was crucial enough to vote on how to parse some sentence or translate a phrase from Japanese into English. And even then I would be hesitant to vote on such an issue because my expertise is only as high as a BA and I'm only just now going into graduate studies. I don't know enough about those things to make important decisions about them.

But people who know nothing about politics, economics, sociology, foreign affairs, etc. who just learn about the stance of their clique and their clique's personal reasons, and maybe some random facts about the subject matter (which are given to them though they have no true way of telling if they are factual or not, and they don't have enough expertise in the subject to really understand the facts outside of how they are described by various political cliques to which they subscribe and/or oppose), feel that they have full authority to make decisions that can critically change the future and well-being of every citizen of this country, and even sometimes of the entire Earth.

If a child of 16 had no knowledge of traffic rules and laws, had severe alcoholism, had been arrested on many drug charges, and had stolen vehicles in the past and killed innocent people -- would you think they should have the right to obtain a driver's license and operate a motor vehicle?

If a man had been imprisoned after being convicted of multiple charges of child molestation, and had finished his time but actively expressed desire to sexually molest children, would you offer him a job as a kindergarten teacher where your 5-year old daughter went to school (and by the way, he thinks she's sexy)?

If someone were to be called for jury duty in a trial where the defendant was their best friend who had murdered many people, and they vowed they would do their best to try to convince and blackmail the other jurors into voting for their friend's innocence despite knowing he was a guilty culprit, would you allow them to serve on the jury?

If someone created random, thoughtless ideas about issues without any knowledge of the subject matter other than what other people have told them (though they have no expertise, training, or education on the matter in order to judge what information is realistic, truthful, reasonable, etc., but rather they choose which side to follow based on instict, what "sounds best," or what their friends/family/follow, or just which ideas oppose someone or some group they wish to oppose in order to strengthen their social identity) and could diminish the safety, well-being, or quality of life of many people in the nation, or possibly even anyone, by contributing to uneducated voting, do you believe this person should have the right to vote?

Why do we have rules and stipulations on employment, jury, driving, etc., but we have no such rules on voting? Why is voting a "human right?" Politics and voting are completely socially constructed -- they have nothing to do with our existence as humans, and we are not restricting some kind of natural thought or feeling by taking away the ability to vote. It makes no sense for it to be a right available to anyone, and it makes no sense for such a power to be available to unqualified people.

In order to get a driver's license, you must pass tests and prove you have the capability to operate a motor vehicle safely as not to endanger others. But in order to vote and contribute to enforcing decisions that decide the future of humanity, you need no qualifications at all.

But really there is not that much 'power' in voters -- their votes are powerful, but they themselves are powerless. They are nothing more than drones that follow commands that their need for social identity gives to them. This is just a trait of people -- all people are driven by their social identity. I'm thankful to want to create an identity that doesn't do something as mindless and wasteful as getting caught up in "politics."

Their votes do not come from their own knowledge and expertise and wisdom -- their votes are driven by their reaction to social pressure and advertisement. Unless you are an expert in political science and have tons of experience running countries, you really don't know the impact of your votes, and you really don't know if what you are voting for is helpful to even yourself or not. You just vote because you like to believe in little ideals and be in cliques that also like those ideals. You want to show off that you believe in this or that, or you may even truly believe that your ignorant opinions are actually some kind of educated ideas or something. But they are nothing more than mindless following of ideals for which you know nothing of the truths behind.

Despite not having any real power over how they choose to vote, people still let their social identity and dreams decide the fate of the nation and the world. They fall victim to advertisement and social pressures, and in turn take their failure to understand the truth behind issues at hand and use it as a weapon to influence society further. They vote to force political actions that affect everyone. They argue intelligent-sounding, but still ignorant, ideals to others in order to sway them to be more like them.

In short: If you vote, I can pretty much guarantee you don't know what the hell you are talking about or why you are voting. Even if you think you are a pretty educated person on the subjects you care about, you simply have memorized tons of propaganda and words. You don't have enough expertise on the subjects you care about -- no matter how much you care about them -- to make rational decisions on how your choices will actually impact everywhere they will make a difference. You don't know enough in-depth on how countries are run no matter how many government classes you've taken. You just don't know enough to really know what all your vote does. You are ignorant and selfish by voting and convincing others to do the same. You are falling prey to social cliques and advertisement by taking political opinions as your own, evne if you did come to conclusions yourself based on weighing various created ideas that you didn't actually think of yourself.

I don't look down on people for being interested in politics. I realize the social need behind it, and I realize how 'real' it really does seem. When you pretend to understand subjects based on propaganda and the interpretations you ignorantly come to after reading information on something you don't know enough about to truly understand, it really does seem like you know what you're talking about and that you have the ability to make decisions that affect others lives. I have been in the same position. I actively researched political issues and even did so in what I felt was a very open-minded manner. I had no doubts that the conclusions I came to were justified and reasonable, because when you're involved in it, it seems to make a lot of sense.

But how did I know what all those conclusions really entailed? Matters are not so simple as "I want schools to have more money" or "I think abortion is bad." You have to think about how that change will affect every last person, group, other ruling, etc. that it will affect. What all possible ways can it affect those? Is that fair? Can it be done reasonably? Can it be afforded? How do I know that? I don't know enough about economics and sociology and education and medicine and politics to know exactly how much things cost (not just in money, but in every way) and if it is affordable or not. And no amount of news, books, etc. is going to give me enough knowledge and experience in all those different fields to be able to come to educated conclusions on the matter. I just have to make shit up based on stupid ideals that I think are good.

You can spiral into "politics" pretty deeply, too. You can sit and memorize all kinds of random stuff about all kinds of subjects so that you could debate for days on end about them and always have things to back yourself up and respond to what people say and even understand what they're saying. But in the end, you don't know enough about the actual subject to know if what you're arguing is actually justified or not. You just know how to talk about it.

It's like no matter how much I play Final Fantasy IX, I will never know how to program the game. I could sit and memorize every last thing about the game that a player could; I could recreate the game's font pixel by pixel, I could tell you what abilities every item had and every place they could be found, I could recite every line of dialogue, I could even start to form my own opinions on what I think could have been done better, what looks good, what I think would be the best way to create the game... but I would never be able to create the own game knowing just that.

If I wanted to create the game, I would have to learn about a lot more than the game itself. Even if I went out and played every game ever created, I still wouldn't know. I'd have to actually learn how to program, how to create all the things in the game... and then I'd have to learn a lot about design and create a good game. But that's not really something I could do by myself -- that's why there are teams that work on the game.

But no one who works on the game is just some person who likes playing games and just comes up and says "I think the game should be difficult, but allow new players to play as well." and then the game just BECOMES LIKE THAT. Sure, it's nice of them to suggest such a thing, but it would be stupid to think that you could actually create a game with that idea, and that you know how to create games just because you have ideas about what you think games should be like and you have played tons and tons of games.

Just because you have your own ideas on how a country should be run, and even if you've followed all kinds of information about it, you don't actually know how to run a country. And that's not a skill you can gain by listening to news and following politics, no matter how deeply you follow it. I can't program a game and create graphics and write stories even if I play a thousand games over and over and understand the games deeply.

Following political issues is not the same as making political decisions. But somehow, we believe that if we sit and follow the popular entertainment of "politics" we suddenly are justified in making decisions that affect the entire population of the planet.

Now, I know that just because votes go through that laws don't just pop up. I know there are people out there really creating laws and policies, and I know that it's not so simple. It's not the fact that people vote that bothers me -- its their mindset. People don't realize how mindless and ignorant they are when they believe in political issues. They don't realize they are just pursuing a social identity or mindless ideals. And they actively hurt others and oppose others based on these ridiculous opinions they have created despite the fact that NO ONE involved really knows what they are talking about.

People really think that they know what they are talking about, and they really do look down on others for being part of a different political clique or mindset or whatever. They spread hatred, opposition, and pain. Even people who don't actively try to do so, by supporting the hobby/interest of "politics" by actively engaging in it as an interest, you're only fueling the other people and the entire ridiculous social network itself.

Just like buying products that were manufactured in sweatshops only supports the company that does it, even if you PERSONALLY aren't enslaving innocent people and hurting them, enjoying "politics" only supports the interest as an entertainment to others and allows others to continue hurting and hating others because of their "political views."

Now, you may think that it's fine to buy things from sweatshops because you as an individual are not making a big enough difference either way. And so you might as well continue being interested in "politics" and talking about it because even if you stop, people will still hate. Well, that's true. People will still hate and sweatshops will still run. But would you rather make a positive choice or a negative choice?

And if you're interested in politics, doesn't that contradict your own "view" anyway? I mean you believe that a vote matters, don't you? You believe that stating your opinions on random political interest topics will make some sort of difference, don't you?

And if you think that by being a 'nice' person who is interested in "politics" you can help others realize they should be like that, too... it's like buying from sweatshops and saying "please have better work conditions and pay your workers better. ok here's money to keep running the sweatshop. bye :)" People running the sweatshop are more interested in their profit than your feelings. People interested in hating and hurting others over politics are more interested in the benefit to their social identity than your feelings, or anyone else's. I mean that's why their interest and hobby includes hating others in the first place!

Anyway, I know no one will actually listen to me or believe what I'm saying if they for some reason listened. So I guess I just am writing all this in vain. But I'm doing my part to fight the sweatshop, I guess. Even if it never amounts to anything because I'm just one person talking and hoping some people will listen, at least I feel like I'm making the right choice in fighting hatred and a social system based on opposition and fighting and negativity disguised as "politics."

In other news, the last two nights I've played tons of Brawl with uglybeard and my brother. Like, prolly 3 or 4 hours each night, if not more... The only character I don't really play with is Pit, lol. I guess I don't really play with some others like DK and Mario, but I pretty much try to play everyone, but I of course have preferences, too. But I switch characters after every match almost o_o;

As opposed as I was to the 3rd party stuff when the game came out, I really do like all the MGS stuff in the game now. I guess it's because I'm really on a MGS kick lately, though. But I've become a lot more accepting about the stuff. I like the sonic stuff, too... and I like Sonic but I'm not particularly obsessing over Sonic right now or anything. But it's still one of my many, many fandoms.

I don't really like the word fandom. Because it sounds like I subscribe to all that 'fandom' entails -- which is like... kindof a social aspect, and like... a shared knowledge of what enjoying that particular thing "should" be. It's just too... socially involved. I like stuff on my own and have no idea the "right" way to like it.

So, uh, since my last update... idk what all I've said, so I'll just say various recent things...

I cleared Metal Gear Solid, which I know I talked about, but then I started a second game. It goes a lot faster when you know what you're doing XZDD but even still the cutscenes and codec transmissions are soooo long so the game takes forever anyway XZD But it's fine because I like watching all that stuff. The first time I played I just beat Revvy and quit, and then the second time I played I got up to where ( spoilers... )

Anyway, I also played quite a few other games. I've been playing Space Channel 5 part 2 a bit here and there, but I haven't made any real progress. I mean all I really have left to do is to play a few stages perfectly and to play for 30+ total hours, so... everything's pretty far off.

I started a game in Harvest Moon: Back to Nature (on PSP) and didn't even get to complete a day because the battery died -_-; But I did see a lot of events and stuff. I named my character Bobby and the farm Corwen LOLLLL. And the dog was... Puck, I think. I was going to name the horse Choco.

Speaking of, my brother cleared Final Fantasy IX. IDK if I talked about this... I'm pretty sure I didn't. But yeah, it was cool, and he was pretty powerful at the end so he went through ( spoiler...? ) on his first try and didn't even save after the first battle. And he had the Hammer so he saw the full ending, too. He also did some things I had never done before -- catching enough frogs to fight Quale and obtain the Gastro Fork, getting Mace of Zeus for Vivi to learn Doomsday, and opening the ultimate synth shop after fighting Hades to be able to summon Ark. And probably some other things, too XZD; A couple things I told him to do because I had seen them in guides, though.

I played some more Mega Man X7, woot. I really wish I hadn't deleted my save data from before, because this game is a pain to replay... Axl is getting pretty powered up, now, though. I've defeated 5 of the Red Alert Mavericks now and rescued enough innocent Reploids to get X to join back on the team. I'm... so so so in love with X. XZDDD It's completely romantic and not very sexual though LOL. Anyway, now X follows Axl around everywhere (I want Axl to get all the rewards so I don't use X really XZD;; ) and thanks to X being able to use that water gun thing, too, I was able to beat Hyenard (sooo annoying to take on with Zero & Axl because once your weapon energy runs out, it's so hard to even hit him... and I have had enough of BURN TO THE GROUND to last me 400 lifetimes... no, 500 lifetimes...)

I might've posted about this, but I finally cleared the stupid castle in Persona 4 and now have the fourth member of the team :3 But after you clear the castle, it wants you to go back and there's like a super King thing in there and I can't defeat it :( Everything goes well until it gets to 50% health, then it does some crazy attack that just KOs the entire party :( I've been collecting the best item to ever grace a video game though (Moustache Fiber) in hopes of getting a cool accessory. It will probably have nothing to do with mustaches, though, and I'll be sad :( I was flipping through the art book (which sadly spoiled like a million things to me :( And I knew it would do it, too...) but I spoilerfully learned that later one of the main characters will have a persona with a giant mustache <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

I recently have been thinking a lot about like... persona x persona user things O_o like, fantasizing about Izanagi x MC, Tomoe x Chie... O_o;;;;;;; Izanagi and Tomoe are hawtness though. I've always thought Tomoe was super hot, and then my brother was watching and saw it and said like "that thing looks dumb" or something like that XZD;;;; WELL WHATEVER. I also got the soccer team social link thing up one more, and the band girl social link up one. I wish she was cuter :( I wanted my band mate to be cute. But she just looks so... dumb. I hate her like... red circle cheeks T_T Her personality is kinda cute, though, I guess. But she's kinda like Fuuka and Fuuka is like 100x hotter than this girl.

I started a new game in Final Fantasy X, planning on trying to collect everything, but I didn't get all that far... I got to where you meet Wakka and saved and quit... >_> but I love some of the stuff in the early game, and I remember starting a new game a while back and loving that stuff, too, lol.

Rikku: Did you... hit your head or something?
Tidus: Uh... you guys hit me?
Rikku: Oh yeah. Sorry.

XZDDDD and then when Tidus eats the food it's like... so stupid XZDDD and I love the opening fmv things with blitzball and Sin and Auron and etc <3

Today I played a little more in my new Kingdom Hearts game. I just got near the end of Halloween Town... defeated Lock, Shock, and Barrel. Just have to collect the treasures on the way down to Oogie Boogie. I don't remember how much is actually left in the world, since I cleared this game like... when it came out O_o Proud (or is it just called Hard in this one?) is really annoying because you can't just mash X and win anymore. Now you have to mash X until you see something, then roll away, then mash X more. XZDDDDD but when you do mess up, you lose SOOO much health o_o; I'm glad I didn't sacrifice defense in the beginning O_o;;

I'm sure I've pulled out some other games and played them, too O_o; I tried to play Bionic Commando but I just want to rush and keep killing myself. Playing on Commando is hard, though. I got so used to knowing I could get hit by things and survive, lol. Now many things can kill you in 1 hit, or can take you down to critical health in one hit so that anything else that hits you kills you. Getting pounded with zappy sticks kills you :( Getting shot a few times kills you. Like, just everything kills you. XZDD

I've played more in my no-upgrades, no-weapons run of Maverick Hunter X. Trying to defeat Flame Mammoth without dash is :( :( :( He's just so large and you can't run under him when he jumps unless he's jumping from very far and you were already running in that direction and the conveyor belt is working with you.

And I think I talked about this, but I'll say it again. I started a game in Metal Gear Solid 2. It's my first time playing it >_>;;; I've owned it for a while, but I didn't want to play it until I finally cleared MGS1. I didn't actually get anywhere, though. I just got to where you could save then turned it off. I felt like playing, but then after all the cinematics and stuff, I got tired of it XZD; But it's not so much that I got tired of it, it's that I just wanted to play MGS1 again. Like, I love Hal in MGS1 because he's so cute, but the 3D model of him on the codec is like... not so cute. But his Hal-ness is still cute. I loved the failed anecdote he gave Snake when I saved. I want to keep playing just to hear more stuff like that. And Revvy has to be in this game o_o!! I want to see him <3 <3 <3

I don't want to play as Raiden. Raiden is lame and I only like sexy people. XZDDD Oh yeah, and there were too many weird menu options in this game! Like, Snake Tales and Skateboard and stuff O_o Before I played MGS1 I like, did everything else on the menu first, then clicked New Game. But on MGS2 I found myself exited modes as soon as I could because I didn't want to play them XZD;;; I think Snake Tales might be kinda like VR training with story and a bit more to it than little rooms...? But like, it's not as fun as VR training and I got sick of it really fast XZD;; I would like it but I feel like I shoudln't be playing it or something. I just wish I knew what order I was supposed to play through all the modes in. And IDK wtf skateboarding was, but as soon as I saw the controls explanation I was clicking cancel LOLLL

I'm really hoping this series does not decline much after the first game. My friend already told me it was only the first game that had all the cool stuff with like... acknowledging you were playing a game stuff... and the 2D codec images have been replaced with ugly 3D models (am I the only person who LIKES looking at 2D stuff anymore...? Especially because 2D stuff just looks stylized, but 3D stuff tries to mimic real stuff while looking extremely unnatural...) but otherwise it seems like the gameplay is the same just with improvements in MGS2, so that's good. Tranquilizer dart is strange though XZD but I mean it would be dumb to have the same weapons and stuff this time around, so I'm fine with new equipment. But like, idk, tranq dart... XZD

After talking about it, I kinda wanna go play MGS2 now XZDD Joe is supposed to come hang out today I think...? But he like hasn't called or anything so maybe he forgot or like is just ditching. But like IDK I'm so much used to that that I'm not bothered at all now. It's just like... I don't want to start anything and then him come like 10 minutes after I start. XZD It's always unsettling to be expecting someone because you don't want to get into any games because you might have to stop at a weird time. IDK, I think this is just me... XZDDD

Maybe I should just play some SC5p2 or PUMP or something... XZD; Or suck it up and run through the stupid dog area.

Characters/Groupings I'm currently *_*ing about a lot:

( Read more... )

I finally cleared Metal Gear Solid for the first time o_____________o; I was mad at Persona 4 so I was going through my games and decided to try again at MGS. I like... walked one screen and was on Disc 2, lmao. And then Disc 2 is REALLY short o_o! But it has a ton of like... movies and talking. Like a LOT. Seriously you sit through like over an hour of talking/movies... maybe even like 2 hours or something... just in that last little bit of game o_o; But it was cool. The ending was... surprising. Wasn't expecting it to be THAT sappy and cheesey. I liked it thoughhhhhh.

Anyway, this is my SCORE from first clear:

GAME LEVEL / Normal
PLAY TIME 15:02:09
SAVE / 31 times
CONTINUE / 121 times
BEING FOUND / 69 times
ENEMIES / 147 killed
RATIONS / 147 used

CODE NAME ELEPHANT

SPECIAL ITEMS
"Bandana"

***********************

UHHH I have a feeling that is pretty miserable LOL. I want to like... play again to try for better but like... idk, it was frustrating enough the first time XZD

I'll comment more later... I'm so tired. It's 4:44 now and I haven't slept X_X;;; I just wanted to get to the end and I could tell I was so close. But like, of course I died a lot. But I finally made it...!

So, I just pressed snooze for 1 hr 45 min ... ... ...

I was just thinking "Well, I can always just get up and get ready really fast if I get called in."

O_o

The machine called and all I did was press 1 to confirm it was me or whatever and the job was already taken. I guess people are snatchin' 'em up.

My throat hurts. I need to take a shower, but like... it's too late o_o; Like I could potentially need to leave in 10 minutes. I guess I should like... get ready or something. I don't know O_o I'm just so tired. I haven't slept well in so long.

There are only 3 potential days to work this week. That's a bit... relaxing... because I really need to sleep lol. I just spent money on groceries yesterday, though, so I like... want to make more $s. I wish I had a normal/reliable job...

So, yesterday I saw someone buying New Super Mario Bros., and then last night, even though I didn't even think much about it when I saw someone buying it and forgot promptly, I had dreams about playing New Super Mario Bros. Maybe it's a sign that I should try it...? But like, the DS game was so terrible and everything Nintendo shoves out these days is... well, yeah. Even the latest Starfy game was disappointing :\ It did have the best story and stuff of all the Starfys and I liked playing it, but the game itself was the easiest and the most thin.

But yeah, the newest Smash, Pokémon, Zelda, Super Mario, Metroid, etc. have all been like... disappointing to me. Of all of those, I did like Twilight Princess for its atmosphere/environment, and it was exciting being my 2nd Wii game I played (yeah, I got Zelda and Trauma Center at launch, and playing TC first... XZD;; ) and Pokémon Platinum was OK but only because it wasn't as miserable as Diamond and Pearl, and the whole generation is pretty pathetic so far (though HG/SS might change that...?) But even still, they don't compare to the better games in their series at all :\ They're all just more flashy than previous installments, but not really more innovative or fun outside of enjoying those flashy bits. Some of them were even downgraded -- Galaxy was a step down from 64 and Sunshine, and Brawl does not even begin to compare to Melee in gameplay.

Dia/Per's new gameplay mechanics were easily the best improvement on a game Nintendo has done since Pikmin 2, but they made the adventure tedious and boring so there's not much of a way to ENJOY the new systems. Platinum improved on that, and HG/SS are promising for that reason.

In other news, my brother cleared Oeilvert in FF9 and just escaped from Kuja after that Cid minigame thing. Some of the moogles in that game have really weird names.

Also, Shot Online is no longer a gpotato game and is now completely gamescampus, so people playing with gpotato accounts lost everything they had -- so I lost my Albus character and all the stuff I had bought for him and all that time I had spent leveling him up :( My Shaoring is gone, too, but I hadn't worked that hard on her. What sucks about losing Albus is that the only way to create an Albus is by having a membership. Even though they're really cheap (like $5 gets you a membership for a while, and there's a ton of bonuses) it still is annoying that I'll have to pay to get a level 1 Albus with NOTHING. :( My brother also had a high level Zygmunt and even had created his own guild and stuff.

At least now that we will start over from the beginning, we can use all the new features and quests that we missed out on for being too high of a level to see them once they were finally added to the game. I don't mind starting over as Erda, Shaoring, or Wotan, but like... I really want my Albus back :( I probably won't be starting over any time soon.

I am really tired. I went to bed around 20:30 (IDK how long it took me to actually fall asleep though...) but I'm still really tired, waking up at 5:00. It's going to suck when I have to use my new phone for work because people call me all night long even though they know I have to get up at 5 every day :\

A new cyst developed in my right eye so now I have two 9_9; This one is smaller and in the corner, but very red. And it's painful. It hurts to blink or close my eyes. I mean it's not like excruciating or anything, but it still like... makes me notice it every time. And uh, blinking is not something you'd normally notice and you just do it all the time, so...

It also makes falling asleep harder, and that's already hard in the first place.......

I really want to not work and just go back to sleep. But by the time I figure out if I'm not working it'll be like... light outside and I won't feel as dead tired. Then I'll not sleep well again tonight and be really tired for work tomorrow. And of course if I do work, I won't be sleeping today lol.

I've been watching my brother play through Final Fantasy IX. It's a lot of fun. I love that game. This is like the 2309582935th time I've seen it but I still forget things about it so seeing it again is really exciting. I love the whole love letter thing in Alexandria, ahaha. And Minister Artania is <3 <3 I just love every character in FF9.

When I last went to sleep, he had gotten to about the point where ( spoilers )

He also is using Quina and actually enjoys eating things, so he has moves like Mighty Guard, White Wind, and Angel's Snack. What's weird though is that with just learning abilities from items, sometimes he will just like... not do it. Like he will choose not to learn an ability from an equipment even if it takes a small amount of AP or it's a good ability O_o and like, in the ability equip screen, he'll like... leave things unequipped even though he has enough points to equip them. So there will just be like... abilities going unused. It's weird. I mean it's never really anything detrimental, but...

There was a part in Lindblum when you're looking for this item in the story, and you can ask all the random NPCs about it, and when you ask one he says "Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a miracle worker!" and I laughed a lot.

I have an annoying cold. My throat is sore and my nose is stuffy/runny, and the snot is like... yellow-green color... it's not all that cool to be going and teaching like that, not only because it's uncomfortable but because I can risk getting kids sick. But like, I feel bad putting in sick during a time like now when lots of teachers are getting sick and they need lots of subs. And I kinda have put in sick a lot already this year. Plus I need money. But I just feel so unreliable by putting in sick all the time. I guess I am already working three assignments this week, so the money is fine and like... I don't look THAT unreliable, but...

My eyes are so watery that I'm like... crying?? Like they are just pouring everywhere. It's annoying. I like, can't even see well. Yawning and having a cold combined with the fact that it hurts to blink or anything like... is making them water way too much.

I guess I could like... get out some clothes ready for work and pretty much do everything needed to get ready except for leave and get dressed, and then go back to bed while it's still dark. Then I could wake up if I get called and just go, and then if I don't get called, I could stay in bed like normal. I've been checking from jobs for an hour now and it's getting to the point where I don't like to accept them online in the morning anymore because Jordan could be calling people herself after 6, and I don't want her to like, call someone, have them agree to do it and then start getting ready, then after she hangs up and tries to sign them up, it says it's been taken X_x; So instead i sit there and check the online thing and like when it says there's a job I just sit there and refresh and see if it goes away and hope I get it or don't get it depending on what it is.

OK I just looked in the mirror for the first time since my eye started hurting, and I have a sty (yet again) so now it makes a lot more sense for it to be hurting lol. At least this means I don't have like... painful cysts and like, it will go away somewhat soon.

It would really suck to work in this condition lol. Have a cold, really tired, painful sty... I'm sure I look terrible, too, and that will make me lose a lot of authority. It's hard enough to control kids already...

OK, well, I got out some "easy" clothes and even if they are a little wrinkly, I don't care. It'll be better when I put them on. Hopefully. Seriously I don't care. I'm going to go back to bed now and hope for not being called in or for being called in to something really easy...?

I feel like I don't really have any time for anything these days O_o I mean I guess I really have plenty of time, but I always seem to be doing something, and I haven't really been progressing in games or life or anything. The only time I'm really going to have "off" this weekend is Sunday, and even then I'll be doing laundry and dishes and studying and writing letters and things :\

ETA: Got called in to something ridic. I might die today T_T

I'm so tired :( For some reason, my acne is also acting up and I have a bunch of painful pimples here and there, esp on my face, and it's really annoying. Speaking of that kind of stuff, yesterday kids were asking me like... "Why are your gums in between your teeth? Why aren't my gums like that?" and I was like "Uh, that's because you're healthy..."

lol. Healthy... Has a nice ring to it.

Yesterday I made a lot of mistakes >_>; Like starting break at the wrong time and like dropping these folders so that a bunch of papers fell out and got mixed together X_X;;

BUT I did get to work with an amazingly handsome mustache guy that I've been randomly getting glances of around. I was his aide for a bit, but each time, he just sent me outside with some students :( So I still didn't get to see him that much. But, man, he's amazing ♥

I also played a bit of Back to Nature for Girl yesterday o_o and all I really did was plant a few seeds, lol. I'm getting close to the end of the first week (and start of the first festival!). I've played like 3 days lol. I have planted 3 bags of turnips, 2 bags of potatoes, and a bag of cucumbers I think. It's weird how all the boys like... love you quickly O_o except for doctor, but I don't think I've seen a random little event thing that makes him love me. But within a couple of DAYS I got 3 boys to blue hearts O_o (Rick, Gray, Cliff). I really like Cliff this time around, so maybe I will marry him...? But I want to marry Rick XZD I don't like how Gray was like... drooling over Clair either O_o

And then last night I played Persona 4 a bit more. Instead of trying to tackle all of Yukiko's Castle in one go, I just took it slow. I got to level 10 and fused some Personas and I was out of SP and just went home. I guess I could've used some items, but... I'll just take it slower. So I finally got farther than I ever have before!! LOL yeah, that's how sad I was XZD I joined the soccer club and opened that social link. It is weird. You like, can't do ANYTHING around town at this point O_o you can like, eat some Chinese food. That's about it... I remember being like... kinda overwhelmed with how many things were available to me in P3 when I could finally control my daily life, and like, I was afraid to do anything because I wanted to make sure I was using time wisely, but like... I ended up wasting a lot of time anyway... but still, in P4 it's like... you can't do ANYTHING, and like... I feel like I'm forced to waste time or something XZD;

I almost just got called in for a half day (ugggh) but it like, got taken while I was listening to the phone thing, or something...? I don't know, but no one called personally. Honestly I can't stand doing half days. Even though it means I only have to work for a few hours, it's like... barely any money and I feel like I'm getting cheated out of potential full days. If it's an afternoon half day and I get called into it after school has started and I didn't get a job that day anyway, it's no big deal, but...

OK, well, I go now. Mebbe I'll get to go back to bed...?

Well, I got an assignment for today woot. But I really don't wanna go to work D: Going to work is not so awesome. I should find a more reliable and less stressful job. But I get stressed so easily so I guess whatever I end up doing, I'll sit around and complain about it. But not knowing if I'm going to have a job the next day is quite stressful, and getting up at 5AM just in hopes is as well. Plus at 5AM I'm so tired and miserable that I don't want to accept any jobs, even if they would be really easy, because I'm like "omg no that is too stressful of an assignemnt." and I like let someone else take them, and then get called in to work at some way more stressful assignment. And the things I skip could be like, the easiest things ever.

But I'm always thinking like "hey, if I wait, I could get some like 4 day awesome thinggg!!!1" even though that like wouldn't happen >_> So today I was just like "I NEED MONEY THIS IS EASY ENOUGH" *click click*

So I am doing some special ed thing. I used to be really afraid of it, but whenever I do it, it's usually just like... standing around and doing simple things. And usually they don't want substitutes handling difficult things because they need professionals and people who know the students/problems, so like... I usually just be an assistant all day, which is nice.

If I started getting ready here soon, I could walk, but it will be like 40F and I'll have to walk home in the (colddd) rain.

I have kindof a cold so that is not good for going to an elem school >_> My throat is scratchy and I am sneezing. I'm sure I will be a lot better a bit later, but...

Last night I started over in Persona 4. I don't want to play FF7 since I don't have any time alone and I've already played the beginning of P4 before anyway. Plus I wanted my brother to see what it was like, and he liked Teddie of all things lol.

I forgot how much I looooooooooove Chie ♥♥♥

omg so tired :(

lol omg im on my psp n its so annoying 2 type on here

I don't really have an ideal "perfect" partner or anything, nor do I believe in "partnering," but the kind of people I am attracted to constantly changes. It's ridic to assume that our thoughts and feelings would stay the same for our whole lives. Every time we experience something in life, the way we think about things changes, even if just slightly.

And you can def teach yourself to be attracted to more things. You really can teach yourself to like or dislike anything. Somethings are more difficult than others, but it's technically possible to like anything and everything.

In other news, I am trying to clear Mega Man 2 in under 40 minutes. I'm playing on Difficult, and the current record time for clearing the game is over 30 minutes, but it's played on easy mode, which means bosses take twice as fast to defeat for me, and I also take twice as much damage (which means I have to dodge more things rather than barging through to save time, or I have to use Energy Tanks which consume a good bit of time). I got 43 minutes on my last run and there are plenty of opportunities for improvement -- especially if I change the order of stages.

I've been playing Air Man first to get Item-2 early, which I'm going to keep doing, but after that I would tackle Metal Man to get the Metal Blades, which I thought would make Flash Man much faster so I could get the Time Stopper next.

But really Metal Man takes FOREVER to defeat with the arm cannon only and Flash Man isn't THAT long without the Metal Blades comparatively. Plus you can use the Time Stopper in Metal Man's stage to bypass the otherwise lengthy waiting for crusher things in the beginning.

Quick Man is difficult to defeat on the original difficulty setting with just the cannon -- it can be done, but takes a bit of luck, and an Energy Tank will most likely be required (plus I def will get hit before getting to his battle -- quite a bit if I'm unlucky/playing more sloppily). So having the Flash Stopper would be helpful. That way I'd only have to take down 1/2 of his energy with the cannon, which is a lot more reasonable. The Time Stopper does take a lot of time, but risking dying and also waiting for cannon hits and energy tank refills could end up taking even longer. In the end, the amount of time "wasted" with Time Stopper against Quick Man is forgivable.

Having the Quick Boomerang will make Metal Man a lot easier to defeat quickly since you can just charge him, boomerangs-gone-wild, and it's not as much dodging and hoping your cannon shots hit his random jump heights (you can increase your chances of hits with well-timed shots to send them in hi-mid-lo patterns, but it's difficult to do, and you can still get unlucky...)

So if I go Air-Flash-Quick-Metal-Bubble-Heat-Wood-Crash I should be okay. There's a lot of places where if I was more skilled I could use the Item-2 to save even more time, but... (like the clown gear things in Metal Man's stage, or some places in Crash Man's stage, etc).

I'm not really going for a competitive record, just a personal best time. I want to be able to get it done under 40 minutes. Considering that it seems that it's not even humanly possible to clear in under 30 minutes on EASY MODE (unless you're abusing glitches) then knocking the last 3 to 4 minutes off my current record time and clearing the game under 40 minutes will be a pretty impressive feat for me O_o Because right now I'm still going through pretty quickly. In my 43 minute run, I did manage to get myself stuck in Flash Man's stage in the bottom right corner before entering the master shutter and I seriously was down there for like 10-15 seconds getting hit by the ride armor sniper joe and shooting failed Item-2s into the wall :\

One thing that sucks about going to Flash Man's stage so early is that I'm used to taking the high road at the end and then using a Crash Bomber to open up that gate thing. But now I won't have Item-1 nor Item-3 and I'll not be able to open that gate... >_>; It's not THAT hard to just jump up at the end, but like, if you mess it up, you can get into big trouble with that ride armor and you can waste a TON of time :(

Anyway, I'm off to go try again. After this attempt, though, I think I'm just going to play BioCom. Or maybe see if my brother wants to do a playthrough of FF9.

So, today I made ultimate omelet for me and my bro. I took a pic b/c it looked really yummy and hopefully will post soon??? I guess I could do it now but I'm lazy XZD; It's on the DSi sd card. Actually, it's on the DSi flash memory XZD;; So it'll take a bit of pressing buttons to get it on here and that's annoying.

Last night I had a dream that like... I was in this game, and it was like... some weird game IRL where like... you go to this mansion and you become someone from FF9. And like there were many copies of each character. I was Zidane. And there were lots of Vivis and Daggers, and a few little girls were Eikos. No one else really, though I saw some Freyas and Amarants in the background now and then (no Steiners, which was weird XZD) And like, you had to go around and fight people like an FPS, shooting fireballs or whatever your character could do. And then near the end of the game, a warning would sound and you had to find the cart.

It was like a mine cart, and only three people would get to get in (the first three there). And there were like two carts in the mansion. When you got on, you'd get to like... ride the cart and it would take you out of the mansion. When you got near the end, you would relive a bad memory of your past. Daggers had to relive their mom dying or their Eidolons being stolen; Vivis had to relive being attacked by Waltzes (though like, the memory was not anything that actually happened in the game O_o) and then Zidanes had to relive being left alone (even though that was like... Freya's memory... though I guess that can kinda make sense with the game, but...) and other stuff, IDK, it was weird, and then you'd be thrown onto the floor in front of the mansion and feel very heavy. You could get up and walk, but you'd kinda act like a zombie until one of the other players came out of the mansion and yelled your character's name.

And I got on the cart every time XZD You got a lot of bonus points if you got on the cart and someone came out and called your name. And like that's how you won XZD;

A recent sketch.

I will try to scan that Sailor Mercury thing soon. Scanning is kindof... difficult now, because the scanner is not normally plugged in or anything... I took a photo of it with my phone, but there's only so much that can do. And I'm too lazy to hook my phone up to the comp right now >_>;

So, I got called in to work today, and the phone thing said it was a full day, but the website says its a half day (the website is probably right) T_T If I would've known it was a half day, I might not have accepted it. But oh well. A couple hours of being librarian and getting off at noon? Not so bad. But the pay is so measly it's not even really worth going up there IMO O_o Well, it is. I need all the moneys I can get. But like, it made me unable to get a full day job today :\

If I had a little more time, I could get dressed quickly and walk, as it's not TOO cold today, and it's not supposed to rain I don't think... But I don't have enough time to start walking and still arrive on time, so I have like an hour and a half to sit around before I drive O_o;

I feel like doing a quick run through Mega Man 2 before I have to start getting ready, but I don't know how long it would actually take me. I think I could clear it under an hour, but that's still a bit too long. I guess I could start now and see... o_o;

OK it's 6:39.

6:42. I almost no-damaged Bubble Man and his stage, but he fired a ton of bullets right before my last shot :(

6:45. No damage on Heat Man himself, but there's no way to get past that sniper joe in the ride armor thing without getting hit :( I hate waiting through the "get equipped with item-x" things :( I have to sit here and wait so long for item-1 to ... install... XZD

6:49. No-damaged Wood Man's stage, but got hit by some leaves. I was rushing in just to finish faster though XZD

6:52. ALMOST no-damaged Air Man :( his last pattern of air shooters before his defeat was impassible D: ITEM-2 COMPLETED! GET YOUR WEAPONS READY! omg it takes so longggggggg

6:56. OK, took like WAYYY too much damage on Crash Man's stage O_o I was almost out of energy by the time I got to him.

6:58. Meant to pick Metal Man, but picked Flash Man >_> Oh well. Only got hit once on him. GET EQUIPPED WITH ITEM THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. Seriously omg why does it take so long. GO GO GO GO STUPID TEXT XZD

7:02. No damaged Quick Man :) But I mean, I used Crash Bomber and Time Stopper, so that's not that big of a deal. I accidentally started turning BEFORE falling off a ledge and died on the beams T_T

7:05. Went in Boomerangs-a-blazin' and took out Metal Man XZDDD Got hit a few times, but I was all kamikaze about it, so... yeah XZD;; I want to go challenge Mecha Dragon but I need to get ready for work. I'mma just leave the game on. I have 7 lives and 4 energy tanks XZD;

7:19. I should play Mega Man every day before work O_o it makes me a lot more efficient in getting ready XZDDD

7:23. Defeated Mecha Dragon :) I don't think I can clear the game before I have to go though XZD;

7:26. Picopico-kun, no damageeeeee. I got hit by some of those drill things though because I got impatient and just barged through XZD;;;;

7:27. Guts Dozer down. That stage is so short O_o This next one sucks though.

7:32. Buebeam without having to use an energy tank! But I died once on the stage because I like... forgot that when you leave the menu, you fall off ladders, and I fell into the spikes T_T

7:37. Wily Machine No.2 is down! I actually died the first time because I wasn't watching my health T_T Used 1 Energy Tank

7:39. Wily Alien down. XZD;;; OK, I cleared Mega Man 2 and got ready for work in one hour :) And it took me 14 minutes to get ready, so that means I can clear the game in about 45 minutes. Less if I don't die stupidly, but the deaths didn't really knock off THAT much time, so... prolly right around 45 min :)

In this game, it doesn't show the Robot Masters in the credits when it says who designed them :( I want to see Bubble Mannn

I hate how my car has like... ice on it every morning now T_T I hate car ice. Like a lot. At least right now it's like... just very thin ice almost like snow or something, so I just have to turn on the car for a minute and it melts. But like, it's going to suck more and more as time goes on.

Wow, I even have time to watch the credits XZDDDD I need to go like... start the car and put my mustache up though. And prolly comb my hair again (because as it dries it gets more and more messed up...)

In MM2 you can press start/pause at the Presented By Capcom screen after the credits and you'll go back to the title screen. You can't do that in MM2 or MM3 :( I like... want to play more LOL. MM2 is like... so fun that I can sit there and just play through it over and over right after clearing it XZD;;;;

OK work time.

Wow, my internet died for the LONGEST time o_o; I attempted a MM3 run without using continues, and I died a couple times on stupid stuff, but didn't have to use any continues. Then I tried to do MM4 with only the Buster, and it was really easy O_o Drill Man can give you some unlucky runs (if he uses the Drill Bomb too much, it's really hard to keep your energy up...) and Ring Man took me some practice, but once you get down a good pattern, he's easy to no-damage.

The bosses at the end of the game are all sooo easy :(

Seriously, using the scale that I ranked MM3's stuff:

I. Mega Buster, no damage:
Toad Man
Ring Man
Dust Man
Dive Man
Mothraya
Square Machine
Cockroach Twins
Cossack Catcher
Tako Trash

II. Mega Buster easily, sometimes damaged/minor damage:
Bright Man
Skull Man
Wily Machine No.4

III. Mega Buster with difficulty:
-

IV. Mega Buster with difficulty, often requires luck:
Drill Man
Pharaoh Man

V. Impossible!!
Mettaur Daddy

VI. Literally Impossible
Wily Capsule

Note that category VI just means you can't get by with only the Mega Buster/arm cannon. Wily Capsule in 4 requires Pharaoh Shot and Gamma from 3 requires Shadow Blade and lastly Top Spin or Search Snake. Using the proper weapons, I can no-damage Wily Capsule, and Gamma would be ranked II. As for MM2, I can also defeat Alien without damage using Bubble Lead, and I'm pretty sure the Wily Machine in MM2 is impossible to no damage without using Crash Bomber. 9's Wily Capsule is doable, but... there's no way I could ever do it. I just can't dodge all those things D:

Category V, however, refers to things that I think are impossible to get through without use of Energy Tanks. For Doc Robot Wood Man in MM3, I think it is not possible in the game to get through without an energy tank. But for like, Doc Robot Flash Man, it IS possible, just... not within my personal ability.

And if you're wondering about the first two games and 9: ( Read more... )

I. Arm cannon, no damage:
Magnet Man
Top Man
Doc Heat Man
Break Man
Turtle Machine

II. Arm cannon, easily, but sometimes damaged:
Hard Man
Top Man
Spark Man
Snake Man
Doc Metal Man

III. Arm cannon, but with some difficulty:
Gemini Man
Doc Air Man
Doc Crash Man
Doc Bubble Man
Yellow Devil Mark II
Holograph Mega Man

IV. Arm cannon, with difficulty, usually requires luck:
Needle Man

V. Impossible!!
Doc Quick Man
Doc Flash Man
Doc Wood Man
Wily Machine No.3

VI. Literally Impossible
Gamma

Yeah, in all my years playing MM3, I've always defeated Shadow Man with the Top Spin and don't really know his pattern >_>; I'mma go try him now though.

ETA: WOW, OK, Shadow Man is really fun. He'd prolly go in Needle Man's category, though :( It took me 3 tries to defeat him.

And uh, I think I'm developing another cyst in my right eye...?

ETA2: And, uh, I'm moving Snake Man to IV with Needle Man and Shadow Man >_>;

ETA3: OMG, I just tried something different than I normally do when I fight Snake Man and I can move him up to II now, lmfao. He's actually pretty easy O_o I could actually probably no damage him with like... minor practice.

ETA4: OK, I'll be adding in the Wily bosses now. I took out the ??? tier that had Shadow Man in it, lol.

ETA5: OK, I went through the whole thing. I think that I could fight off Wily Machine No.3 with enough practice... but like, I'll need to play a lot more MM3 before I have that much practice XZD

MM3 is so much more forgiving than MM2. Like, you just get Energy Tanks and extra Mega Mans everywhere!

Uh right now I really live for the weekend T_T But when I was in school I liked going back on Mondays and the weekends were kindof a pain.

I spent the last many hours playing through Mega Man 3. That game is hardddd. I want to be able to play through with no continues, but I don't think I'll be able to any time soon :( I can do MM2 with no deaths, but MM3 is like... 10x harder than MM2. There's so many places where you can easily die instantly. Like Top Man's stage with the lifts and those screw things X_x Even though I know what to do, I almost always die on it. And then in Snake Man's stage there's those lifts with bullet/cloud things. Which are really easy, but sometimes those lifts glitch and you get thrown off the stage, so you have to like hop when they appear but I always forget. And then I always rush and get knocked off. And then in Gemini Man's dark stage, there's like... a place where you can easily just run through, but if you accidentally miss shooting this one enemy, you'll get knocked into a hole. And it's not hard to do, but sometimes on the first time through...

And then after finishing the "Magnet Man Circuit" as I like to call it, it's really hard to decide which Robot Master to pursue next -- Needle, Gemini, and Snake are all hard for me to defeat with the arm cannon alone :\ Snake Man is doable at full health, but I don't always reach his door with full health. Gemini Man is the same way. Needle Man seems to be random. Sometimes he's pretty easy but sometimes I just get hit a million times. Not to mention I often jump instead of slide because I press A before my thumb presses down, and I end up JUMPING INTO HIM instead of avoiding him, which makes me get hit and then recovering from that mistake can also be difficult and get me hit again depending on what attack he uses right after jumping into my face T_T

Then if you get to Wood Man with around 50% energy you are forced to use an Energy Tank or die. (Luckily you get plenty of Energy Tanks in this game, and you don't really need to save them as long as you don't use them TOO frivolously). Then there's the fact that Top Spin is a broken weapon and sometimes you try to kill Shadow Man with it, but he ends up only losing like 25% of his energy and the top spin completely drains itself O_o and then you get hit after landing and have to try to fight him while bewildered and scared lol. And he's really hard to fight with the cannon.

IDK there are just so many places in MM3 where you can die too easily or you're FORCED to use Energy Tanks. In MM2, I never have to use Energy Tanks unless I make a lot of mistakes (though it's a bit too difficult and requires you to be a bit too precise for me to clear the buebeam room without taking massive amounts of damage, so I usually end up using a tank or two there).

But all of the Robot Masters in MM2 can be easily defeated with only the arm cannon except Quick Man and Wood Man, and most of them with taking little to no damage (Air Man is based on luck for no damaging, Heat Man potentially damages you like... ONCE, and then he's easy. Bubble Man requires some tricky footwork, but he is doable, and def doable with minor damage, Flash Man can be done if you're quick enough. Metal Man and Crash Man are a cinch.)

Quick Man is like... impossible for me. I do not understand his patterns and I don't know how to dodge his boomerangs. Wood Man can be done with only being hit once using the arm cannon, but dodging the leaves is pretty tricky. Actually, last time I was playing I think, I found a really easy way to dodge the leaves. It required you to stand along the wall, I think, and to jump at a certain cue, though I forget the cue, so I'll have to mess with it again next time I play.

I really want to buy the carts for 5 and 6 so I can play them, because I hate playing on MMAC. Even though I don't really like 5 and 6, I'd still like to try to master them. So far, the only MM game I really have "mastered" is MM2. I mean, I can do it without continues (and sometimes without death) and only using the arm cannon. I can't see me ever reaching that with MM3. MM4, yes. 5 and 6 I can like probably do that after one or two playthroughs X_X; Because those games are like... insanely easy and stupid.

7 and 8 I don't care at all >_>; I might master 8 someday just for the hell of it, I don't know. I also need to get MM&B. AND UH I need to get a MMX3 cart!! Of the MM/MMX series the only games I don't own are MM&B and MMX3 :( I even bought Command Mission (though I still haven't finished it >_>; which makes it, along with MM&B which I've never played, the only MM/MMX game I haven't cleared). Actually, I always forget about the GB/GBC games... so I haven't played like Mega Man V and Xtreme games and stuff like that.

I really want the Zero games but... not for $500 :(

ZX and ZX Advent recently sold out on Amazon from the official seller that had them in stock, so now they're really expensvie instead of like $20. They were both like $20 and now ZX is like... $70 or something! And Advent is like $40 T_T it makes me really sad :( I might be able to get the Japanese versions, though, which I hear have voices (and the US vers don't...)

It's been a long time since I've drawn anything. I really want to try drawing Komainu. I may have to pull out the ol' sketchbook. I should just restart my computer once and see if the tablet drivers don't fail, but... I'm so lazy O_o

I'm bored and don't feel like sleeping JUST yet, so... I'm going to make lists :D;; and they're going to be based on... you guessed it, fantasizing over cartoony things! I am such a loser :( But honestly I don't mind. I enjoy enjoying what I enjoy, lmfao.

( don't click...? )

And yeah. Now it's like 5:30 AM >_>;

I only really think of physical attraction when I think of the phrase 'attracted to people,' and so the answer is def no for that. If it means like, interested in pursuing more intimacy, then, yeah, I find it easier to talk to people who think similarly to me, but I also am interest in people with differences. The key similarity has to be a mature way to handle differences -- as long as people can debate and discuss things without being stupid, I will probably like them. I also have to be able to discuss things in an intellectual manner -- people who cannot comprehend, follow, and direct logical discussion are too frustrating to talk to about most things. I still can enjoy the company of such people, I just can't become too close to them because communication is too difficult.

Anyway, I really do like talking to people who have dissimilar thoughts, because it makes for more interesting discussions and it helps both of us learn and grow. But 90% of people see discussion of dissimilar thoughts as "argument," and even whether it is or isn't argument, this word has a stigma, and people think that if you are not discussing agreements, it is "bad" because you are "arguing," and they become frustrated, angry, etc. Some people take offense to all discussion of dissimilar thoughts.

As for a "successful" relationship, I don't believe in relationships in the manner that most people do, so this doesn't really make a lot of sense to me, and I think that the ability to have discussion, whether it's agreements or not, is really what makes relationships "successful," I guess.

Anyway, been playing games:

Spectrobes Origins: Level 100!! Now I just have to gather and excavate fossils of Spectrobes I like :)

Kingdom Hearts: Cleared Monstro and advanced to Atlantica. HATE THIS WORLD. Stuck in the part where I was stuck before. Able to ride dolphin. Can't figure out where to go. Cleared Pegasis Cup but can't clear it solo (Yuffie/Leon battle is just too hard when they're both targeting Sora exclusively...) and I also started Halloween Town after getting frustrated with Atlantica. I have finally purchased everything available in the item/accessory/gummi shop except for a gummi block that costs 1500 (the mid-sized laser... forget the name). Might sit around and gather up some Gems to do more synthesis (forgot to check the synth shop before going to Hween Town O_o) since there are new gems available in Hween and Atlantica (Frost, Thunder, and Shine I think?)

Mega Man X7: Just rescued some innocents in Hyenard's stage. Rescued a couple more than my last attempt (almost all the ones by the bombs o_o there's one I can NEVER get to, though...) and died many times against Hyenard himself :( There was a point where he had to be hit like once or twice but his attack caused Zero to go flying and I fell off the neck of the mechaniloid and into the lava and died... very frustrating! I also entered Crowrang's (♥) stage (the heart is def for the sexy Crowrang, NOT FOR HIS POS STAGE) and rescued a few innocents there. That's about it. Missed the Life Up heart tank... even though I swear I was like standing in it for seconds -_-; I remember this being extremely frustrating and broken last time, too.

Rune Factory Frontier: Uh, cleared Lava Ruins, but with cheating :( This whole time I thought I needed a gold hammer to clear the rocks out of the way at the end of B5F to reach the stairs, but really I had to go knock down a boulder and have it run over them. But like, yeah... I had my brother look up where to get gold, and it said B6F of lava ruins was the first place you could get it, and I was like... wtf wtf wtf, and then I had him read to me how to get past those rocks. But now I'm past it and opened the Snow Ruins :) I also put a Greenifier down on some strawberries. There was a storm and now my entire field is like...stumps. It's INSANE. I don't know how I'm going to clear that all...

Pokémon Crystal: At work I worked a little more on the poison-only game. Did I already talk about this in another entry...? I defeated Whitney, and the hardest part was the Meowths... yeah, I am almost certain that I already typed this up here. So uh, nevermind...? Time to go get Sudowoodo. Who I will KO instead of capturing. Weird!

No FF7 because I haven't really had that much time alone...

Ooooh crap I left clothes in the washer all day T_T Oh well, I'll mess with it tomorrow. My dad had clothes in the dryer anyway. I'll have to like bother him about removing them.